im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize