i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
where are you?
Hypothermia
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
