Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
