i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
