I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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