My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
