who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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