come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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