There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
