We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your cock deserves a montage
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
