I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
