I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
