this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize