my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
