Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I puked a lego.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
