I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
