my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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