I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
