New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
