Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
