You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
