You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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