plz talk dirty to me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
