We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize