She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
