It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
