they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
