Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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