Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
