Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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