there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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