he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
