So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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