You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
