I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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