you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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