she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
