i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
