Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
