Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
