apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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