He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
