yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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