Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Still dying that you shit outside
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
