this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
