after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
