Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When did angry sex become our thing?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize