Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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