YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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