My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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