I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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