Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
