Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
