brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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