I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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