She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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