Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
