this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
