all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't EVER smell your tampon
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
