Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
