u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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