??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
