i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
