You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
