his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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