just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
