Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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