Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
