I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
