Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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