I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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