what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
